Episode 23: Marriage Myths
Welcome to Going in Grace, a podcast where we go beyond simply understanding God's word. We explore how to live it out daily, making a meaningful impact in our lives and the lives of those around us. Let's tune in to this week's episode. Today, we're talking about marriage, not in the way you might expect, but about the myths surrounding it. I have been married happily, I say, for 18 years, and have been blessed to be surrounded by many beautiful couples. I've seen a lot over the years and I welcome you to take it from me and more importantly, from God.
Many believe marriage is the ultimate solution for loneliness, the desire to be fully known and adored and the need for security in life. But the truth is no spouse can fill a role meant for God. When we expect a husband or wife to meet these deep needs. We set ourselves up for frustration and disillusionment, never mind the person that we love. Whether you're single or married, today's conversation will help you discover where true fulfillment comes from and how to build a marriage centered on biblical truth. Marriage is a beautiful covenant but it was never designed to be our ultimate source of fulfillment.
Many believe that marriage cures loneliness. While companionship is wonderful, loneliness is not solved by other people. It is healed by intimacy with God. Psalm 68:6a says, God sets the solitary in families reminding us that our sense of belonging comes first from Him. Other people think that marriage guarantees being known and adored. A spouse may deeply love you, but only God fully understands you. Trust me, you don't even fully understand yourself. Psalm 139:1-2 declares, "Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down, and my rising up. You understand my thought afar off."
No one knows you like God. Marriage provides the ultimate security is what others believe. Security does not come from a spouse, finances or circumstances. God alone is our safe place. Proverbs 18:10 says, "the name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe." When we believe these myths, we unintentionally place an unfair stressful burden on our spouse, expecting them to be our emotional, spiritual, and personal foundation. But only God can hold that role. Consider Adam and Eve. Before Eve was created, Adam already had a relationship with God. His fulfillment didn't come from Eve. It came from his creator.
Marriage was designed to reflect God's love, not to replace it. In Matthew 22:37, Jesus commands, "you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." This is our first and most important relationship. If we reverse the order, seeking fulfillment from marriage first, we risk making an idol out of our spouse. The Bible teaches us clear distinctions between what God provides and what a spouse is meant to be. God is our provider. Philippians 4:19 reminds us, "and my God shall supply all your need according to his riches and glory by Christ Jesus." A spouse can support but only God supplies every need.
God is our healer. No spouse can heal deep wounds. Only God restores hearts. Psalm 147:3 says, "he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." A spouse is a companion, but they are not a savior. Marriage is a partnership, not a rescue mission. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, "Two are better than one, for if they fall, one will lift up his companion."
Fulfillment comes from walking in God's purpose, whether single or married. Here's how we can stay centered in Christ. First, develop intimacy with God first. That's why the single state is so important. Make prayer and time in the word a priority. Jeremiah 29:13 says, "you will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart." Second, stop idolizing marriage. I'm really not sure what you think it is. But if you think that it's an end all be all and a savior to the next season of your life, it's not that. If you're single, don't believe that marriage is the answer to every struggle. If you're married, don't expect your spouse to be perfect.
Third, love with grace, not expectation. Release unrealistic demands. Colossians 3:14 says, "but above all these things, put on love, which is the bond of perfection." Whether you're single, engaged, or married, remember, God, not marriage, is your source. A spouse can compliment your life. They can accentuate your life, but they can not complete it. Only Jesus can do that.
For more information on the topic of marriage, check out my book and the companion videos that accompany it. It's entitled, Marriage is Amazing, Practical Guidance for Those Considering Marriage or Looking to Protect One. You will find it to be a helpful resource that will help you make sure that you are walking in God's truth where it concerns the topic of marriage. Visit brandistover.com to learn more.
Thank you for joining me today. If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend and I'll see you next time. You've been listening to Going in Grace. Be sure to visit us online at brandistover.com.
