Going in Grace

Brandi Stover (00:02.188)

Last week, we discussed love God's way, agape love. With that foundation, I want to be sure we understand that loving God's way does not mean allowing ourselves to be used and mistreated. We'll discuss scriptures that encourage us to value ourselves while loving others. We'll also talk about defending ourselves against manipulative people who take our love and kindness as weakness. Let's get started.

As a quick review, agape love is God's unconditional love, a love that seeks the highest good of others. However, sometimes we misconstrue this love as accepting mistreatment and allowing ourselves to be used. True agape love also involves valuing ourselves as God's children. I will be using the New King James Version throughout this week's podcast. Matthew 22:39 says, "and the second is like it. You shall love your neighbor as yourself." This verse highlights the importance of self-love. To truly love others, we must first recognize our own worth and value.

1 Corinthians 13:4 through 7 says, love suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Brandi Stover (02:28.042)
We see that love does not dishonor others. It always protects, and this includes protecting ourselves from harm and mistreatment. Let's explore some scriptures that encourage us to value ourselves while loving others. Psalm 139:14 says, I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well. Recognizing that we are fearfully and wonderfully made by God helps us understand our intrinsic value. 1st Corinthians 6:19 through 20 states "or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

We honor God by taking care of ourselves, both physically and emotionally. Valuing ourselves means setting healthy boundaries and not allowing others to mistreat us. Practical guidance on how to value ourselves while loving others includes:

1. Setting boundaries. You guessed it. Healthy boundaries protect us.

Jesus himself set boundaries. In Mark 1, 35 through 38, we see Jesus retreating to a solitary place to pray and recharge, even when others sought Him.

Brandi Stover (04:11.566)

2. Self-care. Taking care of ourselves ensures we can serve others effectively. In Luke 5:16, it says, "so he himself often withdrew into the wilderness and prayed." Jesus took time to rest and recharge, setting an example for us.

3. Self-respect. Recognize your worth and don't tolerate disrespect. In Matthew 7-6, Jesus teaches, do not give what is holy to the dogs, nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet and turn and tear you in pieces.

Now let's talk about how to defend ourselves against manipulative people, because unfortunately, they exist in every sphere of life. Manipulative people are the type that will take your love and kindness as weakness. Here are some practical steps for addressing them.

1. First, pray for discernment to be able to recognize manipulative behavior. In Matthew 10:16, Jesus says, "behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore, Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves."

2. Be assertive. Stand firm in your boundaries and communicate them clearly. Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to speak the truth in love. Being assertive is not unloving. It is necessary for healthy relationships.

3. Seek support. Surround yourself with a community of believers who can provide support, and counsel. Proverbs 11:14 says, where there is no counsel, the people fall. But in the multitude of counselors, there is safety. When you can't tell if your actions or the actions of another person are coming from a good place, seek godly counsel.

Brandi Stover (06:34.798)

4. Fourth, forgive and release. Forgive those who have wronged you, but do not allow them to continue to mistreat you. Matthew 18:21 through 22 teaches us to forgive, but Proverbs 4.23 reminds us to guard our hearts. So in everything, we need to seek balance.

Are you a naturally compassionate person who really doesn't like conflict? If you're wondering how to love others, without being mistreated, I want to give you some examples of just how to do this.

Example one, saying no. It's okay to say no when someone asks you to do something that compromises your values or wellbeing. It's also okay to say no because you don't want to. Jesus often said no to people when it was necessary for his mission. In Luke 4:42 through 44, Jesus left the crowds to continue his ministry elsewhere, despite their pleas for him to stay. For additional encouragement on clearly speaking your yes or your no, listen to episode five of this podcast entitled Speaking Truth, Communicating a Simple Yes or No.

Example two, walking away. If someone continually disrespects or mistreats you, it may be necessary to distance yourself from that relationship. In Matthew 10:14, Jesus instructs his disciples to shake the dust off their feet if a town does not welcome them. Take inventory. Is it time to shake the dust off your feet? Well, with whom? You need to think about it and consider if this is the way the Lord will lead you to protect yourself in this season of your life.

Example three, seeking accountability. Find a trusted friend or mentor who can hold you accountable and provide you with guidance as you establish these boundaries. Ecclesiastes 4: nine through 10 says, "two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion, but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up."

Depending on just how adverse you are to conflict, this may be necessary to get you used to speaking up for yourself. As we get ready to conclude for this week, remember that love in God's way means valuing ourselves as His children while loving others with his unconditional love. It's not either or, it's both and. We are called to set boundaries, take care of ourselves, and defend against manipulative behavior. By doing so, we honor God and we create healthy, loving relationships. Second Timothy 1-7 says, "for God has not given us a sphere of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Don't be afraid to do what you need to so that you can love yourself and others.

Thank you for tuning in this week to Go It and Grace. Be sure to share and encourage a friend. Stay strong, stay true to yourself, and continue to love others with the love of Christ.